planet lez

At last it's finally here,
after months of waiting
in the mail, it got here.

All crushed up it arrived,
inside this little gray box,
my happy world arrived,
finally.

I won't lend it,
and you won't be there,
I won't let you in
my happy world.

I'll put some little trees,
and some little animals,
and many things to eat.

It'll be better than the fairy tales,
without fixations or commandments,
and you won't be there.

I just completely lost it a couple of nights ago. I felt overwhelmed by all my problems and couldn't stop crying. I thought I'd lost control completely over my life and it hurt. I felt like I was losing the battle.

Fortunately I have the best boyfriend and friends I could ask for.

It’s hot. My favorite weather. For me it’s the coldest summer ever! Everyone is going to the beach and enjoying the sun and I’m stuck here in the a/c with sandals and a sweater The office feels like Antartica, and I have a mild cold, which seems worse when I’m under the scorching sun. Even if it’s for about fifteen minutes a day.

The only thing that gets me through is the thought of picking Liam up and the anticipation of knowing that my family is coming to visit me soon. I hadn’t realized what a big part of me they are. Even if they’re nuts!

I miss them so much. They moved away in the worst moment of my life. I had just gotten separated, my sister and me were bonding then suddenly there was nothing. I don’t know if it’s fair to feel resentful of my mom for leaving. I can still remember the night they left, I hadn’t felt that lonely in a long time, I think I even sleepwalked! I felt like a little girl who’s left to the care of a stranger while her mom’s out. Only the stranger was myself and I didn’t know if I was going to be able to take care of this little girl on my own.

I’ve bee through so much, I’ve changed my appearance, my faith, my thoughts and they’re not here to see it. They’ll come to meet a stranger taking the place of their daughter / sister / granddaughter. And with all this resentment I know I’ll hug and kiss her like there’s no tomorrow and that will make my planet brighter.

At least until she goes away again.

So I'm the weird one?
I miss my family, but they're a little disoriented, so for my own safety, I keep my distance. Can you blame me?
Mmwwwaaaahahahahaha!!!

Life’s a roller coaster. I think it’s just a matter learning how to cope. It’s not easy, but what is easy? I can’t think of anything you would want to be, have or accomplish in life that wouldn’t have a rough way through. In my case, when I finally decided I wasn’t going to take any crap from my husband anymore and leave him. And even that wasn’t easy, not because I didn’t want to leave him, but because I had to go through a lot of changes and stuff in order to get away from him. But I hate remembering unpleasant moments, so I’ll write about how excited I am of going to Tampico in April. (Whoo hoo!!!!!!!) So I’m FINALLY going to the gym, and making my dream of showing off some leg without feeling like a skinny giraffe, I’m not going to the beautiful beach of Tampico feeling that way at all, I have to enjoy the opportunity I have. It feels sooo good to do what you love with the people you love and just enjoy life, I guess I’ll do that. It won’t be easy, but it’s all worth it.

Why is it that when everything seems to go well, something happens that makes you feel like crap? Is it karma? Is it fate? Why should I suffer because of other people? Why do I feel so insignificant suddenly? Why does my happiness have to depend on others?
I HATE YOU.

Once again, here I am. Sometimes I feel like the days go by without a purpose. As if time didn’t have a meaning. Then I remember what comes ahead. A nice afternoon at home helping my son out with his homework, making dinner, waiting for my boyfriend to come home and exchange gossip. Every once in a while rehearse with the band and making plans of gigs and new songs. Then I find a purpose, a meaning to the time that passes me by, ‘cause if I look back, nothing’s the way it used to be. It will never be as it was before. Dreams don’t come true in one day, but little by little life takes the form you always wanted.